Marriages that begin as love affairs are often viewed with suspicion by conservative circles. Many believe that the initial passion fades after marriage and that love does not last. On the other hand, arranged marriages may not start with romance, but many people believe that love grows over time in these unions, lasting a lifetime. This approach encourages both partners to think carefully, act responsibly and appreciate the value of commitment before they bind their lives together.

Human nature is a mix of kindness and conflict. Love, though admired, is rarely unconditional. It is influenced by personal preference, social pressures and inherited beliefs. Society often praises love in words, yet in practice, it limits how people can express it. When someone steps outside these expectations — choosing a partner freely or showing affection openly — they may face shame, criticism or even danger. This tension creates internal conflict for the individual and can lead to broader social deviance, as rigid norms clash with natural human desires.

Saint Valentine, for example, brought couples together with mutual consent, respect and sincerity, even when it went against the rules of the time. He honoured love and human dignity, giving people the freedom to make their own choices. Families today can follow his example by supporting marriages built on consent, respect and commitment. Such an approach strengthens bonds, preserves everyone’s integrity and allows people to live with dignity and honour.

In many countries, couples are free to express their feelings openly. In Pakistan, however, the situation is very different. Public displays of affection are often condemned, and young people are rarely free to show their feelings. Those who do may face social criticism — or worse. In such an environment, love is treated not as a right, but as something to be controlled.

Even within these restrictions, families could arrange marriages with legal procedures, ensuring respect and consent. Young men and women who are ready to marry could be supported by their families. But social and economic pressures, strict class systems and conservative rules often make this impossible. Many women remain unmarried, not because they do not want to marry, but because their families cannot or will not find a “suitable” match. Their lives are controlled, and their choices denied.

The consequences of denying choice can be deadly. Women are sometimes killed in the name of honour for marrying or expressing love without family approval. In 2024 alone, over 400 such killings were reported in Pakistan. These are not crimes of passion — they are deliberate acts of control, designed to prevent women from having a say in their own lives.

Where women cannot make their own choices, resistance is punished. Girls who express love, refuse arranged marriages or seek independence may face abuse, confinement or even death. In rural areas, informal councils often ignore formal law, treating women as property rather than individuals with rights. A society that claims to value love often punishes it. Women who remain unmarried beyond a certain age are judged harshly, and their lives blamed for failing to meet social expectations. Forced marriages, unsafe unions and emotional trauma are the hidden costs of maintaining these strict rules.

Practices such as karo-kari are not rare accidents. They happen because girls are denied the right to choose. They are silenced in the name of family honour which constitutes a fundamental violation of women’s rights.

Let us pledge, before loving, to accept this promise: to build an equal partnership; to take responsibility and stand on equal footing in defending rights to education, health and social participation; to support one another steadfastly in difficult times; to share household responsibilities; to support participation in public and professional life; and to challenge conservative traditions that deprive women of the freedom to choose their life partners and force them into marriages with people they do not love.

Love is a natural feeling; it should not be determined by whether a marriage is arranged or based on love.